ZEBRA

When you hear hoofbeats don’t think zebras, think horses.

It’s an aphorism that reminds us that solutions are usually not as exotic or as complex as our lizard brain would make us believe.  Sometimes a solution simply requires that we do absolutely nothing.  Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is by not creating one in the first place.  

In other words, when confronted with a horse, don’t turn it into a zebra.

FIT

What relationships have you outgrown?

What attitudes have you outgrown?

What habits have you outgrown?

Stop trying to squeeze yourself into things you’ve outgrown.  Time to move on.

THE POWER OF STORY

We can’t underestimate the power of story.  Stories; those told to us and those we tell ourselves have huge influence on who we are and how we live our lives.  What we forget however is that if we’re living a story that doesn’t fit with who we are we can change it.

And how do we change our story...how do we change anything?  One part nerve, two parts knowledge, and three parts tenacity.

CHAIN

Women have been brainwashed into manufacturing the links in the chains that binds them.  This is how women collude in their own oppression.

CHARM

Talk rich.  Integrity poor.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE

It is said that in trying to get misogynistic cultures to change, in continents as disparate as North America and Africa, one needs to tread lightly. When speaking with men we must take care not hurt their feelings, insult their history, not get in their faces, not ruffle their feathers, otherwise they will never stop raping, beating and killing women.  

Sally Armstrong, ASCENT OF WOMEN

DEVELOPED

Any reference to “the developed world” is pure economics.  The fact that women contribute to the bottom line is critical, the fact that economies are built on women’s backs (literally and figuratively) and second class citizen status, is ancillary.

There is very little that’s developed in this kind of system.  It is actually regressive and stunted.  So who are we kidding?  

CHAINS

So long as some of us are in chains, none of us are free.  

It may be a matter of geography but don’t think for a minute that women earning 20-30% less than her male counterpart isn’t on the same continuum as those women who are literally in chains in Africa, Afghanistan, Iran -- it’s just a matter of which end we find ourselves on.

GRATITUDE

I find it interesting that most of us women living in the west just have to learn to stop beating ourselves up.  The vast majority of women in the world however, would consider that a luxury since their problem is finding a way to have everybody else stop beating them up...and raping, stoning and setting them on fire.

Sure puts our gratitude in perspective doesn’t it?

ANATOMY OF CHANGE

“Change is one part nerve, two parts knowledge, and three parts tenacity.”

~ Sally Armstrong, ASCENT OF WOMEN

INDIFFERENCE

The worst thing possible is to live a life of indifference.  

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” 

― Elie Wiesel

PERMISSION

If we wait for permission we’ll be waiting a long time.  At some point, if we actually want to live a life we can be proud of, we need to give ourselves permission.

NO FEAR

We believe that living means feeling fear constantly.  The irony of course is that if we’re truly alive, it’s absolutely true.  

The problem is that what most people believe is that they should be living without fear.  That is why we make choices that are safe, easy, where the outcome is assured.  We’re trying really hard to make the fear go away.  

The reality is that if we feel no fear whatsoever then we’re probably doing something that’s not worth doing.

UBIQUITOUS

It is no coincidence that where lack is ubiquitous, fear rules.  Lack is the symptom of a fear dysfunction and they feed on each other into a continuous loop.  It’s a loop that then terrorizes us into living small, stunted, joyless lives.  

ENOUGH II

Tenacity is about knowing the center of who you are and no matter how bad someone tries to make you feel, knowing your center allows you to recognize the difference between their dysfunction and yours.

ENOUGH

There is no place for lack when you discover tenacity.  Tenacity is corrosive to lack.

BURNING IS EASY

On criticism:

“Any fool can burn down a barn.  Building one is something else again.” ~ Martha Beck

EXACTLY!

MARK

We leave a mark on our lives and everyone we come into contact with.  Behind that mark we leave is our intention.   It matters then that our intention comes from a place of honesty. The problem is that some people confuse honesty with judgment.  Real honesty is close to the bone.  It makes us feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.   If your intention comes from your own vulnerability then the mark you leave will always be for the better.

CHICKENSHIT

I know this will be a revelation to someone.  When you’re in a relationship there’s usually someone else involved.  That’s why it’s called a ‘relationship.’  So if you’re unhappy in that relationship, chances are the other person is too.

This is where some will make devastatingly selfish decisions.  In a misguided attempt at justifying their happiness they have affairs.   It’s the “I deserve to be happy” justification.  But what about the other person in your relationship? Do they deserve to be happy?  Do they deserve to be respected?  Do they deserve the truth?

And you!  What you deserve is to preserve your self respect.  

You do that by doing the hard thing, not the chickenshit thing.

HOPE & FAITH

If there is no hope, then faith has no job. ~ T.D. Jakes

If we don’t infuse hope with the energy and wisdom of the universe, then the faith we have in our ability to create our life the way we want it, has no way of materializing.

POTENTIAL

Our potential is not an abstract concept.  It is also not an accident and it’s not arbitrary to whether we’re lucky to have it or not.  Potential is the gift bestowed on all of us for being human.  

As humans we squander our potential by indulging in fear and resistance especially when we nudge closer to realizing that potential.  So we gorge on simplistic and superficial distractions, be it violence, junk food, judgment or indifference. 

Mostly, we waste our time settling for what looks like our potential by measuring it by the things we accumulate.

We hear a lot about potential.  Unfortunately, it’s misunderstood most of the time.  Potential is not about bucket lists, ‘things’ that need to be done and checked off.  Potential is not about winning prizes and being the best so we can be king of the mountain.  Potential has nothing to do with any of that.

Realizing our potential means that we fight through the fear to get to know who we are at our center.  Realizing our potential is about profoundly going within, past our dysfunction and the lies and justifications we have bought into.  Living our potential means living honestly, without deceit, without pretense.  

The sad reality is that most folks will be too busy creating their bucket lists to work toward their true potential; too busy pretending to be who they are not; preoccupied with selfish, arrogant needs that has them convinced that they "deserve" to have that affair,  max out their visa, help out their neighbour so that they can look down on them.

Humanity does not evolve this way, it stays stuck at the mundane and mediocre.

CONSIDERABLE DIFFERENCE

Smart is acquired. Wisdom is Lived.

Smart is passive. Wisdom is active.

Smart is finite.            Wisdom is infinite.

Smart is in your head and limited to what you can hold and understand.

Wisdom is in your gut, it’s part of every cell in your body and therefore unlimited in its breadth and depth to perceive.

The difference between the two is considerable.

Our society places a great deal of emphasis on one and dismisses the other.  Can you guess which is which?

STAND FOR SOMETHING

Call it out.  Stand for something.  Draw your boundaries.  Just because you lead with love and compassion doesn’t mean you’re a doormat.  Draw that line in the sand with a steady hand.  Be clear about what you will and what you will not tolerate, what you will not go along with, or shy away from.  Make it perfectly clear.  That’s what living your life with integrity looks like.

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY

How would we show up in our lives..

How would we support one another...

How would we guide our daughters...

How would we shape our world...

... if we remembered, every single day, that we hold up half the sky?

WISE

The life you’ve built around you is a manifestation of what you believe about yourself.  If you want to change what surrounds you, then change what’s within you.  

“Wise women simply see things as they are not as their low self-esteem allows.” 

~Shannon L. Alder

US

What we think we’re doing to others, we are in fact doing to ourselves.

“Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn't change the heart of others -- it only changes ours.”  ~Shannon L. Alder

WHY NOT YOU?

A lot of time it’s not even about our fear of judgment or failure when we don’t pursue our goals.  It’s more about our sense of unworthiness that has us convinced that it can’t possibly be us to achieve something great.  My question is, why not?  Why not you?  

Is there someone you admire, someone that’s living the life you’d like to be living?  What do you think the difference between them and you would be?  The only difference between you and that person you admire is in the way they think about themselves.  The way they think YES! Why not me.

I know.  It would be easier if it were more complicated because then you could always use that as an excuse.  But until we see ourselves as worthy we will never be able to believe, why not me?

IT’S YOU NOT ME

Insisting that other people change, or waiting for other people to change is a form of denial.  It’s a denial of the reality that the only thing we can change is ourselves. 

What’s interesting is that the more we insist that it’s the other people that need to change the more it’s true that it’s we that need to change.  So much easier and less scary to put the onus on the other person though, isn’t it?

GENEROSITY

Generosity of spirit is a wonderful thing to cultivate because the more generous we can be in our praise, in our kindness, in our consideration, the more we amplify our own sense of abundance.  Lack, under these conditions, gains no traction.

GUIDE

Have you ever tried to ride a bike while it’s still being put together?  Sounds crazy right?  And clearly won’t work.  But that’s how we sometimes go about trying to change.  We go ahead and continue to engage in the behaviour or make the same decisions while simultaneously trying to think or do something different.  It just won’t work. 

Sometimes we just need to stop.  And stop not just the behaviour but more importantly, stop making the decisions that lead to the behaviour we want to change. Change actually requires for us to stand still for a minute and not do anything.  To see real change we need to think and act from a completely different perspective and that requires stillness, thoughtfulness, and letting our intuition guide us.

SIGNIFICANCE

We are meant to make a dent in the Universe during the short time we occupy space on this planet.  And while making a dent sounds like we need to do something huge and spectacular, don’t let that stop you from trying.  A dent simply means leaving the world better than how we found it.  For some that’s a call for huge and spectacular, for others, it’s raising caring compassionate kids, planting trees, being of service and living a life with integrity.

The thing to keep in mind is that the huge and spectacular things don’t start that way.  Sometimes, the quiet small things take on a life of their own and grow bigger, deeper and more far reaching than we could ever have imagined.  The key is to start, in our own small way to make a dent, to leave a mark, to declare our significance, to make this one and only time we have, matter.