Friday 30 November 2012

BEGINNING


We’ve got one month left on 2012.  It’s now that we need to look back.  Not January or February.  By that time we need to have hit the ground running.  Why?  Why is there urgency?  Because of yield.  Because we will need to explain to ourselves why we didn’t yield the life we wanted.  

Make 2013 the year that you’ll be ready for.  Make it the year you have a clear intention of what you want to accomplish.  

And make it this year that you stay so present that you get yourself back on track when you get derailed.   

Thursday 29 November 2012

APATHY


Whether our nest expands is predicated on cultivating vision, intention and action.  Whether our nest shrinks is predicated on an apathy of vision, intention and action.  Either way the genesis and evolution of our environment is a realization of our inner dynamics.  

It’s an old message but one that I’m only now truly understanding.  

You will reap what you sow.  

In other words, if we suddenly realize that our nest is incredibly small, our environment meagre, and our life paltry, then we are reaping the harvest of apathy.   

Here’s what I’ve understood.  Vision, in and of itself, is not enough.  Intention alone is not enough.  Action for its own sake is not enough either.  It takes a consistent and energetic cultivation of all three to push past apathy.  And apathy is a fear-based seed that we grow, feed and water in our heads.

Wednesday 28 November 2012

HELP


I was out walking my little dog several months ago.  An elderly lady was walking toward me.  She was well into her 80’s and walked slow and careful.  She kept her head down making sure the ground was steady and clear for her footfall.  She was bundled up with a hat and scarf and warm coat.  She had sneakers on but the laces, on both shoes, were undone and dragging on the ground.  Our eyes met as we were about to pass each other.  I looked down at her shoes and then back into her face.  I stopped and turned around, she did the same.  I walked back to her and said:  
“Nice and brisk, today, isn’t it?” I bent down and tied her laces.
“Yes.” She said.  “It’s lovely.” She beamed at me, then turned around and walked on.

I never saw her before and I have never seen her since.

You see when we ask the universe to be of service, she provides us with opportunities.  We just need to see them.  This is how we are connected, by gestures that ripple out, by nests that rest on the many branches of a tree.

Tuesday 27 November 2012

ACCOUNTABLE


Awareness makes us accountable.  We cannot become aware and refuse to be accountable.  

Is that why people choose to stay unaware, because they then don’t have to be accountable? Indeed, people will go to great lengths, burrowing their heads deeper into their nests, hurting themselves in some cases, just to avoid becoming aware, and facing their fear, anger or shame.

When we deny our accountability, our responsibility to act on resolving, or facing our issues, we deny an education, we deny growth, we deny our life. 

Isn't that the point though?  Aren't we here to be accountable for our life?

Monday 26 November 2012

TEMPTING


Sometimes it’s tempting to just snuggle into our nest and pull the covers over our head.  We know our nest is dysfunctional and we know we’re not living up to our potential.  The thing is...

...we’re tired.  We don’t want to struggle.  We just want to lie here quietly with the covers over our heads.  Perhaps flight just wasn’t meant for us.

It’s okay.  Because we do get tired.  That’s reality.  So rest for a while.

It’s helpful that while we rest, we remember to be thankful for what we have, grateful for what we’ve accomplished so far.   We’ll weave together the strands of our lifeline that way.  The lifeline that will pull us through our rut, our dysfunctional nest and our repetitive destructive behaviors, through our fears, sadness and melancholy.   Thankfulness and gratitude are the only way through.

Sunday 25 November 2012

LUXURY


Do you think your nest, your environment is luxurious?  Why not?  I think for many of us we associate luxury with expensive and external -- a high monetary value, a material thing.  It’s no surprise really since as a society we have come to measure value and luxury in a terrifically skewed way.  

In truth, the value of a thing lies in its transference, in making us feel good, loved or cared for.  A material thing will never make you feel that, not at your core and not for the long term.

True luxury comes from something bigger than us.  From our spirit that gives and receives selflessly a smile, a kindness, a loving gesture.  From the universe we receive luxurious gifts through nature, animals, the stars.  

It’s easy to fill our nests, our environment with luxurious things -- flowers, our pets, creating a loving and nurturing atmosphere.  This is meaningful luxury we can all afford.  Luxury that fosters wellbeing, safety and nurture, luxury that is truly PRICELESS.

Heading into the holiday season this is really important to remember.

(Taken from the spirit of the 21 day meditation challenge with Dr. Deepak Chopra:  https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=172)

Thursday 22 November 2012

SOARING


Good is the enemy of great.” ~ Bishop TD Jakes

Good for great people is easy and it’s a seductive place to stay.  Like the good nest you’ve grown accustomed to, like the good job, like the good friends.  

Great is work.  Soaring away from that nest is work.

The biggest tragedy is when we settle for good because we’re too afraid to do the work to be great...too laden down with fear to soar.

Wednesday 21 November 2012

CURSED


There was a period in my life when all hell broke loose. I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop and there seemed no end in sight.  In trying to make sense of it, I concluded that I was cursed.  

Martha Beck refers to periods like this as rumble strips,  “...a barrage of seemingly unrelated catastrophes so severe you cannot ignore them.  You have no idea what’s happening or why, only that this feels too freakishly bad to be coincidental.” 

It’s interesting how we blame ourselves, how quick we are to assume we’re deficient or damaged in some way, when in truth it’s simply the universe stirring the sticks.   Mind you, sometimes the universe doesn’t just stir the sticks, sometimes she actually beats us with them.  

When that’s the case, when you find yourself dealing with a set of freakishly catastrophic events, you may need to take notes or pack your bags, either way, pay attention.  The universe is speaking.

Tuesday 20 November 2012

STAGE


A new stage in your life will require a new nest, a fresh environment a shift in perspective, a new opportunity to live a fuller, purpose driven life.  

Be grateful for the exciting time ahead.

Monday 19 November 2012

EXPAND


Change that helps us grow and expand and soar is a very good thing.  Change that helps everyone else around us grow and expand and soar is even better.  As we aspire to new things, new environments, new challenges, we need to remember to look back.  Chances are there is someone behind us who could use a hand up.

Our capacity to live our lives to our fullest potential is predicated on our willingness to expand beyond our current comfortable horizons.  The more expansive our environment, the more inclusive our reach, the bigger our life.

MIND


Pay attention to what follows you today.  Pay attention to what shows up. 

Then step back and think about what’s been on your mind all day.  Chances are that’s exactly what’s followed you.  That’s exactly what you’ve asked to show up.

This is how your mind plays a role in creating your environment.

Sunday 18 November 2012

SOFT

Our bodies are part of our environment as well.  Keeping our bodies soft, free of anxiety, worry, and myopic tightness, will ensure that when a storm rages across our landscape we will bend and not break. 

Stillness, breath and stretch, even just a little bit every day, is the surest way of keeping our bodies soft.

Saturday 17 November 2012

Friday 16 November 2012

LANDSCAPE


We know our landscape, our environment, our nest, best.   

But some folks make whole careers out of asking other people for their opinion on their landscape.  Most of the time it’s because they’ve been taught to believe that they’re defective in some way and only a ‘professional’ can help them understand why their nest feels too small.  Or, why the same stuff keeps showing up in their landscape, over and over again.  It’s so much easier to ask someone else for their opinion than coming up with our own.

The truth is, nobody knows our landscape the way we do.  And nobody is better at interpreting what’s showing up better than we are.  What’s required though is a willingness to dig down to our roots.  If we’re courageous enough to climb down our family of origin tree and are brave enough to revisit that landscape, we’ll find the answers. We’ll arrive at an understanding of the what, why and how of our life.

Thursday 15 November 2012

WHEREWITHAL


We sometimes need to remind ourselves that we have, in the past, figured stuff out.  So if you feel stuck in your environment, in your nest, remember that you have not only the wherewithal, but past experience to figure it out again.

Tuesday 13 November 2012

EVICTION


It happens when we stubbornly refuse to move.  

Make no mistake if the Universe, God, Grace or whatever you want to call it, decides that it is time for change to happen in our lives, change will happen.

Like they say in the movies, it can either happen the easy way, or the hard way.

We make change easy by paying attention and opening up our hearts and minds to the shifts in our environment.  We make change hard when we stubbornly refuse to move, are evicted and carried out of our nest kicking and screaming.

The choice is ours.

Monday 12 November 2012

STRUCTURE


Some folks really need structure in their environment.  It means they thrive on working within well defined parameters.  Others on the other hand, feel too constricted by defined parameters.  These folks prefer to make up the lines that define their environment, as they go.  

It’s not putting too fine a point on the matter to say that it is critical to find out which is more important for you.

The quality of your life depends on it.
The quantity of joy in your life is defined by it.

Sunday 11 November 2012

RESPECTFUL


Remembrance isn’t about dwelling on the past and letting it define our present environment or the one in our future.

Rather, remembrance is a respectful reflection on our history where with the help of retrospection we can distinguish between the things worth learning from and those destructive things worth leaving behind.

INWARD

We can't forget to build stillness into our nest. 

Stillness is the gap between the sticks.  The gap that allows us to travel inward.  It's when we journey inward that we see our path and hear our heart's desire the most clearly. 

And our heart's desire is our north star that guides us toward our best, most fulfilling life. 

You can only hear it with stillness.  Stillness is critical.

Saturday 10 November 2012

TRUST


Why is it that we trust our skills and competencies when someone else is telling us what do?  When we’re working for a ‘boss’ and they’re asking us to do something we’ve never done before, instead of dissolving into a puddle of insecurity, we say, ‘no worries, I’ll figure it out.'  

Yet, when that job disappears and you’ve got a glorious window of opportunity to do what makes your heart sing, you invariably dissolve into that puddle of insecurity and you suddenly forget, you mistrust that skilled and competent person you were only hours before, the fearsome woman who said, 'no worries, I’ll figure it out.’

What’s that got to do with nest and environment? Everything.  The ‘boss’ example is a nest built by someone else who’s letting you stay in that nest until they say otherwise.  The window of opportunity is the nest you will build yourself.  The one where you dictate what it looks like, the type of sticks you’ll use and the amount of time you’ll stay in it.

HUGE DIFFERENCE in whether you'll DEVELOP or CORRODE your self confidence.

Friday 9 November 2012

STIRRING


The nest is the environment that we build for ourselves.  We make it comfortable.

And that’s the problem.  The nest becomes so comfortable, so safe and so familiar that we don’t catch the moment that this nest becomes our prison.   

The thing is our environment is temporary, it is a thing in flux that expands relative to our growth. 

When the sticks of our nest start poking us in the ribs instead of paying attention we start eating too much, drinking too much, spending too much time at work, too much time socializing, too much time trying to distract ourselves, too much time making excuses.      

If we paid attention we’d realize that the nest has become too small, too constrictive.  If we paid attention we’d realize that our body and soul is seeking to transition, to grow, to learn.  This is a wonderful thing.

Transition, growth, change is an imperative whether our ambitions are modest or spectacular.  

Growth is disruptive.  Growth stirs our environment.  If there's a rustling in the sticks of your nest, pay attention.

Thursday 8 November 2012

NEXT


Start asking for what you want from yourself.  Create the story you want to live.  Infuse the sticks that make up your nest with a story full of strength and wisdom and insight worthy of passing on to the next generation.  

Not just a story but a nest filled with coping skills taught by example, skills that actually make kids strong.  Skills that will be useful to them.  That will set them up several steps ahead, rather than having them struggle to disentangle themselves from unproductive and dysfunctional mechanisms that only serve to slow them down.

If what you’ve always done isn’t working for you, then do your kids a favour and stop modelling it to them.

Wednesday 7 November 2012

OTHER


The sticks that made up our nests contain within them the story: patterns, behaviors, coping strategies, dysfunction, etcetera, of our family of origin.   It is not surprising then when we grow up and construct our own nests we infuse our sticks with this story as well.

Therefore, if in our family of origin problems were always seen as created by others, even if the other was another family member, then chances are we will also look at our problems as coming from an ‘other’ AND (because it is ‘other’) are powerless to affect change.

So, if you think that your life sucks because your partner (boss, cousin, cashier, etcetera) isn’t acting the way they should, or your job sucks because  _______ fill in the blank, then you are dipping into your family of origin nest story.

This means you haven’t understood that:
  1. What you see as most profoundly wrong in your life derives from an old pattern or dysfunction, and
  1. While a circumstance may present itself beyond our control, whether we see it as a problem, or make a problem out of it, is never the influence of an ‘other,’ it is rather only influenced by us.
We create our problems, truly we do. I know, you’ll be sputtering...but, but, but... .  

Bottom line: You want something to change in your life, then don't reach back to your family of origin nest for answers, don't do what you've always done.  Try something new.  Change you.  

Change the way you look at something.  
Change the way you deal with something.  
Change the way you approach something.
Change the way you ask for something -- better still START ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT!

Tuesday 6 November 2012

MOVE


What gets us stuck is using the goodness of fit gap as an excuse.   Whatever we didn’t get as kids produced fear, anger and shame and as a result we’re afraid to move forward.  

Here’s the thing, we’re adults now.  The power is in our hands to choose differently.  And we must.  The pendulum needs to swing toward healing, toward spirit to get unstuck.  Otherwise we run the very real risk of being buried under a mountain of regret.

As Bishop Jakes says, “Don’t die in your nest - don’t die where you got started.”

Monday 5 November 2012

NEST


If you can put your particular religious beliefs aside for about 30 minutes, I’d like to invite you to look at this video.  

It is on point with the GOODNESS OF FIT I’ve been talking about, and I’ve been talking about it because I’m working on a large project that deals with precisely this critically important issue that underpins all of our pain and suffering.   When I saw Bishop TD Jakes speak of the same thing so beautifully, I had to share it.  

Listen to WHAT he’s saying: http://www.tdjakes.org/  Click on the POTTER’S TOUCH BROADCAST

Sunday 4 November 2012

ADULT


While the gap in our goodness of fit had its impact on us as children when we had no defense, it all changes when we’re adults.  Rather than using these issues as excuses, as adults, we have to come to this sometimes difficult realization....




"All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you."

 --- Joseph Campbell



PUNITIVE


The life as lesson theory feels punitive.  It suggests that we’re defective in some way and some external force with a master plan is making us suffer so we can redeem ourselves.  I don’t buy it.

I think that more often than not we forget that we are that force, that we are what Pierre Teilhard de Chardin so eloquently said, “ We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Our suffering and pain stems from the focus being heavily weighted toward the human experience and only scantily toward the nurturing of our spirit, a nurturing that has nothing to do with religiosity.

In fact we continue to surround ourselves with things that will move us further away from our spirit.  Our hyperactivity, our spending large amounts of time on small things, our obsessive need for drama and NOISE, is the antithesis of nurturing spirit.

Our true punishment is this, it’s this moving away from our spirit.  It isn’t a lesson of life -- it is life.  We are not being afflicted externally, we are afflicting ourselves.  

Saturday 3 November 2012

LESSON


Continuing on with the issue of GOODNESS OF FIT, it’s true we can’t choose our family of origin.  As a metaphysical argument some say that we are born into our family to learn life lessons that are particular to us.  Awesome.  I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do with that.

I understand that it's a rhetorical way of trying to make sense of our experiences on this earth.  I get that.  My question to the family as lesson theory however is, why does the exact same shit keep showing up?  

Anger, guilt, shame are the trifecta of symptoms that underpin our OCD, addiction, anxiety and depression.  We, as humans, have had to learn the exact same lessons for millennia.  So either we’re not doing a very good job of learning our lessons or it’s a faulty belief at best.  

I mean why can’t we be perfecting our lessons on compassion and awareness and love right from the get-go, why are these lessons arrived at only as byproducts of anger, guilt and shame?

Friday 2 November 2012

MATCH


Goodness of fit is also a critical measure of whether as children, we received what we needed from our parents.

In other words, did what we need match with what our parents could give.

I don’t mean material things here.

Rather, were our parents able to nurture us in the manner in which we needed to be nurtured? 

All of the ways in which we were mis-matched with our parents, are all of the ways in which we created, out of necessity, mechanisms to bridge that gap.  Mechanisms that manifest as OCD, addiction, anxiety and depression.

Only by understanding this gap can we begin, as adults, to mitigate it, can we begin to nurture the fit we need.  It isn’t too late.

Thursday 1 November 2012

FIT


As in GOODNESS OF FIT* and how we adapted (or did not adapt) to the environment in which we were raised.

As adults we still come up against this goodness of fit.  Every time we make a decision that’s based on what our head tells us, rather than what our heart tells us, we move further away from that GOODNESS of fit.

*Based on the ecological model and the evolutionary adaptability of a species.