LANYARD

Whether we realize it or not we all wear one of those lanyards around our necks. Okay they’re invisible, but our body language is just like having one of those lanyards around our necks.

So what does yours say?  Does it scream your name out and shout ‘Look at me, look at me?’  Is it tucked away under your clothes waiting for someone to coax you out?  Is it an all access pass that says ‘Go ahead, step on me?’

You know, if you don’t like what it says, you can change it.  Honest. 

NICE

I think women worry too much about being nice, about not offending anyone, not coming across like a bitch.  

So they don’t speak up when they should, they don’t offer an opinion whether they’re asked or not, they don’t say NO really loud, they don’t say STOP and mean it, they acquiesce when they really mean to say HELL NO!

We need to risk it.  We need to risk being labelled a bitch if what we’re doing is defending our position, our thoughts, our voices and those of our kids, especially our girls.  Too much is at stake.

After all it's just sticks and stones...sticks and stones.

PLAY

I think it’s horribly sad that adults have lost the ability to play.  If you ask me spending a day in an amusement park waiting in line to just spend 2 seconds of unmitigated hell on a roller coaster is fun - then fill your boots and be my guest.  But by my estimation it isn’t fun at all.  I don’t think ‘playing’ video games is particularly fun either.  

Here’s the thing, the way I judge fun is that you have to provide it for yourself.  It can’t arrive ready made so that you just have to plug it in or step right up and get swept up in it or navigate it with a joy-stick. I mean really?

Invent it yourself, like hopscotch that you draw in chalk on the sidewalk, or ride a bike, or paint or sing or walk in a park, or skim stones or whatever. 

The idea is that YOU figure prominently, you are the motivating factor, the other factor, if you really want to kick playing up a notch, is do what your mother used to say...GO PLAY OUTSIDE.

What’s play got to do with anything?  Actually a whole lot.  Playing reminds us that we’re in control, that we can play by our own rules, that we’re responsible for our lives and that our lives must have joy in it. Playing is a way to do that.  Otherwise, we’re not doing our lives justice.

SOMEONE

We’re all in emotional pain and confusion at one point or another.  Sometimes though, it’s overwhelming.  Here’s what’s crucial to remember:

• You’re not alone
• You’re not going crazy
• Listen to your intuition, it’s never wrong
• Don’t feed into the drama
• This will pass

But if you don’t remember any of the above, remember this:

- Talk to someone, whether a friend, a shrink or a total stranger.  When you talk to someone it takes the scare out of it, it takes the air out of it and you’ll understand all of the above.

It’s critical.  Talk to someone.  Now.  Go.

DESSERT

While we may joke that life is short so we should eat dessert first, there is some real insight here.  We simply don’t know what the next minute will bring so it’s really important to be grateful for what you love.  To be mindful of all the good in our lives.  

Yes, there are days when you don’t feel particularly grateful when everything is pushing against you. I’d still say, dig deep, there is one thing, one tiny little thing that we always take for granted...

...I am grateful for my breath.  

Now, inhale deeply so your chest expands until it almost hurts, hold for a count of three, then exhale slowly, slowly, slowly.  

LIES

Lying to yourself should not be easy.  Lying to yourself should feel like the most torturous thing in the world.  

And yet, we lie to ourselves so effortlessly, so luxuriously, so conveniently, so beguilingly.  That is the power of denial.  

LEVEL UP

People usually step up to the level you expect them to.  So if people aren’t stepping up, are your expectations too low?

We need to respect people enough to let them know, clearly, what we expect from them.  Chances are they’ll step up -- but here’s the thing, you need to let them know what you’re expecting, otherwise it isn’t fair that you’re disappointed when they fall short.

However, if you tell them and they still let you down, then you’ll know something very valuable about this individual -- you’ll know that they don’t respect you.

PUSHY

Driving on the highway of life, don’t let the assholes riding your bumper fluster you, don’t even bother to roll down the window and flip them the finger.  Put on your blinker and get out of their way.  Yes, that’s right, get out of their way.  You haven’t lost anything, they haven’t won anything.  They’re just assholes and assholes should absolutely be allowed to live their lives as recklessly as they want.  

As they whip past you, send up a special prayer for them, you know the one I’m talking about.

NOT

Let me be clear. REST is not code for PROCRASTINATION.  Rest, the way I mean it, is nourishing and invigorating. It recharges and renews. It is productive in its own way.  

The way to tell the difference is that procrastination feels like the exact opposite of rest.  Procrastination will deplete you further, will make you feel the fatigue even more keenly, will sink you even further into depression.

REST

Don’t get hung-up on the idea of what rest is.  Rest doesn’t mean that you lie comatose in bed. 

Rest can mean slowing down

Rest can mean clearing your calendar for 1 morning a week

Rest can mean eating well

Rest can mean laughing

Rest can mean painting

Rest can mean singing

Rest can mean walking in a forest, park, beach...NATURE

Rest can mean walking your dog

And yes, rest can mean a nap, or sleeping in or sleeping all day.

Rest means different things to different people but essentially, rest means pausing the frenetics of your life.

Whatever REST means to you, you’ll know it when you FEEL it.

FATIGUE

I think depression is a form of life fatigue.  If you’ve lost faith that life will ever be what you wished it would be, you will never muster up the strength to create that life.

It’s not your fault, it’s nobody’s fault -- you’re just tired, life wears you out.  All those expectations, living life to the fullest and fulfilling bucket lists and around the world in 80 days -- it’s exhausting.

Here’s a radical proposition -- rest.  Take as long as you need and rest.  

This notion is diametrically opposed to what this society is selling us every minute of every day -- those diabolical energy drinks are a case in point.

If your life doesn’t look the way you want it to it's because you’re caught running on the Hamster wheel of life.  It’s time to get off.  It’s time to lie down somewhere and just rest.  You’ll know when it’s time to wake up again -- your body will know.  You’ll feel a sense of excitement and vigor that you’ve not felt for a long time -- perhaps since you were 6.

After some juice and cookies you’ll be clear-eyed enough, and have energy enough, to create the life you really want.

DAY-TO-DAY

Routine and schedules are comforting.  I know I need a certain amount of structure to get things done.  I also know that a lot of people use structure or routine and schedules to hide behind.  They use them so that they don’t have to think, so that they can fool themselves into thinking that things are staying the same, so that they can sink deeper into denial.

I think sometimes routines, schedules and tight structures function like amniotic fluid for people.  It keeps them alive, it sustains them without them having to risk or change anything.  

People who sprint through their day, phone to ear, multitasking at breakneck speed, are addicted to their routines, their schedules and their very tight structures.  Should you suggest that they slow down, they’ll recoil as if you’re coming at them with an axe.

I always wonder....what are they running from?  What are they so afraid of?

CLEANING

At this time of year, I usually feel a bout of fall cleaning coming on.  It’s kind of the same as spring cleaning but it involves moving furniture to cozier arrangements, changing throws and pillows to darker/warmer hues and most of all, it involves flinging open the closet doors and gawking in awe at the chaos barely held at bay by a skimpy wooden door.

It’s a time for cleaning things out, trimming and pruning, sorting and discarding.  It’s a time to be crystal clear on what stays and what goes.  It’s a time to make some ruthless decisions on what cannot stay in your space a minute longer.  

While I’m talking literally here about cleaning things out of your physical space, this cleaning out extends far beyond the literal.  It can also include people, ideas, paradigms, judgements, hurts, anything that is clogging or taking up space in your physical and psychological environment.  

It’s simple, consider that if it hasn’t made you happy -- I’m talking people, ideas, paradigms, or judgements, etcetera, in the last six months, then you have my permission to get a great big garbage bag, pile all that crap in there and take it to the curb.

STACKING

Athletes understand time better than most.  They understand the cumulative effect of time, that it stacks up.  That it passes.  That you work really hard, invest the time and accomplish something worthwhile.  

So, if time stacks up and you’re stacking empty boxes, all you’ll ever have are empty boxes no matter how creatively you stack them.  If you’re stacking bricks though, you could create something really worthwhile. 

It bears thinking about, all this time that we’re living, are we stacking empty boxes, or bricks?    

STAND-UP

Integrity is a mighty cool thing.  I seem to appreciate people with integrity more and more as I get older.  It’s the opposite of slick, diametrically opposed to flattery and not even on the same planet as deceit.  

It’s what it means to be stand-up.

I also appreciate cultivating integrity in myself - it makes me feel whole and grounded, like I stand for something.  Like I know where the line in the sand is drawn, the line that I won’t step over and the line that I won’t have anyone else cross.

UNBALANCED

“If someone condemned you because, say, you failed to prevent Hurricane Katrina, you wouldn’t dissolve in shame or work to overcome your inadequacy. You’d probably conclude that your critic was nuts, then simply dismiss the whole issue.

That’s the wonderful thing about seeing that our society makes impossible demands on all women. You free yourself to ignore social pressures and begin creating a life that comes from your own deepest desires, hopes, and dreams. You’ll stop living life from the outside in and begin living it from the inside out.” ~ Martha Beck

 http://marthabeck.com/2011/12/balancing-act-the-dance-of-an-unbalanced-life/

ACTION

It all comes down to this.  And most of us engage much more in the former and scantily in the latter.

“Never confuse movement with action.”   ~ Ernest Hemingway

WEB

Beautiful:

“At a  very deep level of awareness, we know that you and I and the mountain and everything else is the same Being in different disguises.” ~Deepak Chopra

RETRACE

I especially like the idea of retracing or rediscovering to acquire the skills you need to move forward.  

"Your relationship is not supposed to be perfect all the time, your

business is not supposed to do well all the time, your soufflés are not

supposed to raise perfectly all the time. Everything is designed to go

wrong so that you can gain the skills of rediscovering your tracks,

even in difficult or frightening circumstances. Especially in difficult and

frightening circumstances."   ~ Martha Beck

www.marthabeck.com

DISTANCE

Sometimes all it takes is the brief glimpse of recognition in another’s eyes.  You know the one where you see right into another’s soul and you see the place of pain and hurt and denial that they’re in.  You see the stuckedness, the miredness of their lives.  

It’s at those times, a split second at the most, when you can measure the distance that you’ve travelled.  

Fall on your knees and be grateful for every step you’ve taken away from that place.  

Then reach back and extend your hand.  They may take it, they may not.  You didn’t cover that distance by yourself so always be ready to reach out and help someone else along.   

BLESSED

“That which refuses to be broken refuses to be blessed.  It is the breaking of life that produces the blessing of life.  I have noticed that the most blessed people have gone through something that broke them.”  ~ Bishop T.D. Jakes

I would add that while we may think (or feel) that we are broken, God or the Universe or whatever higher power you believe in, knows better, knows that we’re just ready for that blessing of strength, of awareness, of understanding.

TOUCHY FEELY

‘We are stardust, we are golden...’ words written by Neil Young in the song Woodstock.  It’s funny how dismissive people are of any suggestion that humans are made of the same particles as the Universe, it’s ‘touchy feely’ ‘New Agey’ and to be ridiculed.  How come?  It is in fact the truth, whatever made the Universe made us.

Is the concept of that simply too much for some people to handle?  Does it imply that perhaps great things are expected?  That the miracle of our existence is a privilege?  That we need to take care of each other and this earth?

Why do these questions make so many people uncomfortable to the point of making fun of them and dismissing the very premise?  Is it because many live their lives carelessly?   Is it because so many people don’t want the burden of living a responsible life?  Is it because it’s just too hard?

FAMILY

No matter how old you are, or how much time has passed, the scars from your family of origin will always feel fresh and raw.  They may scab over and feel distant for a while but it takes just the slightest rubbing up against, often from things seemingly unrelated, for the blood to gush.

The best protection against bleeding out completely is knowing where your centre is.  Getting to know the ‘being’ at your core, is your only saving grace.

BEND

A true test of your emotional, psychological fortitude is when you are dealt a wallop and you bend and not break.  If nothing else, it is the equivalent of the Universe whispering in your ear, “It’ll be okay.”

MANIFEST

What I know with every fibre of my being is that whatever it is that I don’t have in my life, that I wish I had, is the result of not following through with an action.  

Whatever that action might be, it is known to me, it is understood by me and I have all I need to take the action, but I have not done so.  WHY?

There are lots of explanations to answer that question but none of them place me any closer to taking that action.

It is the greatest source of frustration in my life.

UNTANGLE

“Anne Lamott refers to forgiveness as “giving up all hope of having had a different past.” The same words apply to apologizing. An apology is the end of our struggle with history, the act by which we untangle from our past by accepting what it actually was. From this truthful place we are free to move forward, whether or not we are forgiven. Apologizing doesn’t make us perfect, but it shows our commitment to be honest about our imperfections and steadfast in our efforts to do better.”

~ Martha Beck

Reposted from her blog: http://marthabeck.com/

WOLF

“You may be one of those people who apologize when they haven’t done anything wrong. This is as false as failing to say you’re sorry when circumstances warrant it. If you frequently apologize, it’s time to stop. This kind of pseudo-apology may ease awkward conversations, but it’s a form of crying wolf—it distracts attention from real issues and weakens meaningful apologies when the time for them arrives.”

~ Martha Beck

Reposted from her blog: http://marthabeck.com/

MINDFUL

“The way to start changing your mind is not to force it or command it but to watch it. Jeffrey Schwartz, MD, who studies obsessive-compulsive disorders, teaches his patients “mindful awareness,” a form of meditation that can free them from intrusive thoughts—a technique that has also been shown to help other patients stop a blue mood from becoming full-blown depression. The idea is to identify a destructive thought pattern, then simply label it and watch it and let it pass by whenever it appears in your mind.”

~ Martha Beck

Reposted from her blog: http://marthabeck.com/

BOUNCY

“If you’re a habitual pessimist, you know there’s nothing worse than those bouncy optimists.

Habitual thought patterns are like ruts in a dirt road. The mind slips into them over and over, and at first, steering down another route is extremely difficult. Stopping habitual thoughts as they flash along these pathways, turning one’s mental energy to a new way of thinking, requires an effort that is not merely impressive but heroic.”

~ Martha Beck

Reposted from her blog: http://marthabeck.com/

LABYRINTH

Sometimes it just feels like that.  Like you know where you want to go but you’re feet are stuck in cement.  Or you start off full of energy and sprite but everything you touch resists.  Is it a sign that maybe the direction you’re going in isn’t right?  That maybe you need to rethink the whole thing?  

And so the questioning goes following a winding labyrinth.  With head down we ponder why things aren’t going our way.  Why it’s so hard to focus? Why it feels like one step forward and two steps back. What if it’s just been wasted time going in the wrong direction?  Then there’s this over here that needs attention and that over there that we need to get to....our head swimming now, when suddenly we realize that we’ve made our way up to the very top of a very slippery slope.

Sometimes all it is, is a bad day. Sometimes we just don't see the labyrinth for the trees. It's going to be okay.  

The faeries will be busy tonight collecting our scattered thoughts and scooping up our wayward intentions, scrubbing out the nooks and crannies where doubt has collected, and getting everything spick-and-span for the morning.