HMMMM...

Things that make you go hmmm, are things that you should listen to.  Usually an indication that something isn't right.  It's sometimes a tightness across the chest, in the solar plexus, across the shoulders or neck.  If you're feeling it in your body, it's a signal that something isn't right.  Listen to it.  Even if you don't know what it means exactly, listen to it by doing NOTHING, until you do know what it means.

Ignore the hmmm at your own peril.

Do you have a story of a time when you ignored the hmmm, what happened?

MIRACLES

It is important to remember that miracles and vision necessarily go together. This needs repeating, and frequent repeating. It is a central idea in your new thought system, and the perception that it produces. The miracle is always there. Its presence is not caused by your vision; its absence is not the result of your failure to see. It is only your awareness of miracles that is affected. You will see them in the light; you will not see them in the dark.


                               A Course in Miracles - Lesson 91
                               http://acim.org/Lessons/lesson.html?daily_lesson=91

RISK

"Embrace opportunity.  You need to be brave.  You need to take risks.  You have to find confidence.  And if you don't feel it, you need to fake it."
                                    Sheelagh Whittaker
                                    Director, Imperial Oil & Standard Life


What is the risk of not taking a risk? You'll never know.  All you can do is imagine and we're hardwired to imagine the worst.  The more likely scenario is that you'll discover something really important about yourself, that you're brave, that you had the guts to take that risk rather than collapse into the fetal position and succumb to irrational fear.


Tell me what happened the last time you took a risk.

RADICAL

Do you agree that women get more radical as they get older?

I know that as I age, I have less tolerance for the amount of crap (emotional or otherwise) I have in my life.  How about you?

Are you 50 or 50+ and do you feel more radical?  Are you ready for a change? Are you taking steps to making that change?  

Let me know by leaving a comment.

P.A.I.N.

Emotional and psychological pain is like a drug, we get addicted to it.  Every time we call up that story that gives us pain, every time we pick at that scab we are mainlining that pain into our veins.  Some of us remain addicted all our lives, that's what it feels like when we can't get unstuck.  And the fear you feel from trying to move on and get unstuck is actually the withdrawal, that strong pull of resistance is nothing but the symptoms of withdrawal.  


The first step to getting through the pain and instigating some change in our lives is to PAY ATTENTION INWARD NOW (PAIN), feel the withdrawal but know that it is possible to break free.  In truth, just like a junky living a life of desperation, the potential for LIVING our lives depends on getting off the drug called PAIN.


(Extrapolation of Oprah's Lifeclass with Iyanla Vanzant - March 26, 2012, http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Oprahs-Lifeclass-Class-Notes-Iyanla-Vanzant)

STATES

Your state of mind is critical to the way you’ll spend your day, your week, your year, your life.

Wherever focus goes, energy flows ~ Tony Robbins

A change of feeling is a change of destiny ~ Wayne Dwyer

Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. Today I am blessed.  

~ Maya Angelou

Forgiveness

Does not mean that we absolve people that have hurt us.

Does not mean that we condone what has been done to us.

It means we stop wishing that our history can be different from what it is.  

It means we stop dragging the refuse of our history along with us.

Forgiveness may take a lifetime to achieve, and while we may never fully forgive others, we must absolutely, forgive ourselves.

One Little Thing.

If you do nothing else in your life, please just do one thing.  THINK FOR YOURSELF.  It matters, it matters a lot.  

Those who are all too ready to give you their opinion do not have your best interest at heart, they have an agenda: advertisers, your boss, your teacher, some of your friends.  They all have an agenda: they want you to spend your money on needless things, she wants you to tow the line and not cause trouble, he wants you to be an empty vessel, and some of your friends want you to stay just the way you are, so they don’t have to change anything about themselves either.

If you’re serious about change in your life, this is the first step, develop an opinion, or a point of view that you’ve arrived at yourself, that reflects your values and beliefs.  This one little thing, is the bravest and most important thing you can do.

Again...

...because it bears repeating.  This is about change and how it requires a paradigm shift in order for that change to actually happen.

“It's painful to even consider giving up the narrative we use to navigate our life. We vividly remember the last time we made an investment that didn't match our self-story, or the last time we went to the 'wrong' restaurant or acted the 'wrong' way in a sales call. No, that's too risky, especially now, in this economy.

So we play it safe and go back to our story.

The truth though, is that doing what you've been doing is going to get you what you've been getting. If the narrative is getting in the way, if the archetypes you've been modeling and the worldview you've been nursing no longer match the culture, the economy or your goals, something's got to give.”  

Seth Godin

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/03/extending-the-narrative.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+typepad%2Fsethsmainblog+%28Seth%27s+Blog%29

WE

When we think in terms of WE we do two things: 1) WE bite off more than we can chew making something overwhelming,  2) WE expect others to be responsible

WE is the mass and we -- you and I, can’t possibly be responsible for the mass, right?

Well, WE is YOU and ME - that’s who WE is.  So while you may not be able to influence what WE does - you can certainly influence what YOU do.

All YOU can do is take responsibility for yourself.  Once that happens, WE takes care of itself.

Life is short, but wide.

The sentiment of ‘living your life to the fullest’ is bandied about a lot and I’ve mentioned before that to me, it feels more like a mandate and, it makes me feel anxious, like I’m not measuring up.

I think it’s important though, to live a wide life, to stay curious, alert and aware.  Most importantly though, is to stay PRESENT.  

The wideness of life is not in its scope, it is not in the number of countries you’ve visited, or the vast quantities of ‘friends’ you have on Facebook, the sparkliest of toys, or the most crammed schedule.  

Rather, it is in the moments when you feel the most alive; it could be while walking your dog, tying your child’s shoe, standing in line at the grocery store.  It’s about the attention you bring, purposefully, to the moment, by acknowledging that you are alive and breathing, and are connected to other souls, standing in this checkout line acknowledging the wideness of their life right along with you.  

Self-Esteem

The mischaracterization of women's and girls' identities as weak and conflicted has many potential negative consequences. As psychologist Jean Twenge concludes, the widespread belief that girls and women have low self-esteem and flawed self-concepts can set up negative expectations and self-fulfilling prophecies. When things go wrong - they aren't doing well at school or work, their relationships are going sour, or they are distressed and don't know why -- they may conclude that it's because there is something wrong with their self-concept and personality rather than that there is something wrong in their environment. In addition, the perception that women have weak identities and low self-esteem also can discourage the public from believing that women are fit for positions of leadership and power.

The Truth About Women and Self-Esteem, January 21, 2010 by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema in The Power of Women http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-women/201001/the-truth-about-women-and-self-esteem

GPS to Utopia

Imagine a place where it is the law to live in pure potentiality, a place where everything is possible.  What we forget, what I forget so, so often, is that we already live in this place.  It is a field that we have access to whenever we practice silence, meditation and non-judgment.  It is a Utopia that we carry within us.  And to access it we have to do one of the most difficult things imaginable -- do nothing, practice silence.

Paraphrased from The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success ~ Deepak Chopra

Motive

Knowing your motive, or WHY when you’re getting ready to do something is productive.  Knowing WHY will also give you an idea of what your goal is, and if you’re going off course, reminding yourself WHY will keep you on track.

Asking WHY or asking for a motive for something that is done to you, (someone snubs you, you’re diagnosed with an illness, a friendship/relationship comes to an end) while intuitively feels like an urgent question to answer, doesn’t actually help or matter.  In other words, does knowing why something happened really help?  I’d venture to say not, it doesn’t help or change what happened and while it may direct your action in response, this action is usually knee-jerk, or comes from a place of hurt, or from a place of vengeance, rather than a reaction that would be in the least bit helpful.

Yet people spend a lot of time asking WHY and searching for a motive, I know I do because I think that with that answer will come some way for me to feel less hurt, or less disillusioned, or less betrayed.  But I find that even knowing why does not bring that much sought-after peace of mind.  In fact, you can get stuck in that gear and keep driving that question of WHY, what was the motive, round and round in circles, expending a great deal of time and energy.

Would it not be more productive to let the WHY go?  Would it not be more helpful to acknowledge the experience or what has been done, or what has befallen and without needing a story or an editorial to go with it, pick yourself up, and move forward?

A Deep Hole

Without warning I sometimes find myself in an emotionally deep hole -- from feeling joyous and grateful to feeling like an abject piece of shit.   When in that hole the energy I emit is dark, impatient and cranky and ensures I keep attracting circumstances that will elicit more of the same.  Sometimes it lasts an hour, sometimes a day and before I named it and looked it in the eye, it had free reign to rule my life.

By naming it and looking it in the eye your are objectifying it, you are distancing yourself from it. To name it and own it, to see it as if it defined you the individual, is a critical mistake.  The reality is that this darkness, depression, moodiness, sadness, melancholy, your primal brain, ego, whatever you wan to call it, is not you -- it is not who you are.  When you’re deep in this hole it’s hard to make this distinction.  

It’s a scary place to be, this hole, it feels as though you’ll never feel joy again.  But the key is this,  YOU WILL.  

Sometimes it’s helpful to read inspirational texts: “In reality, we are divinity in disguise, and the gods and goddesses in embryo that are contained within us seek to be fully materialized.” The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra 

Sometimes it helps to get on your bike and take a ride among trees, in the sunshine, or rain, anywhere in nature.

And sometimes, the only thing that will help is to wait it out.  So go ahead, this is your permission that for today, stay in your jammies, tear into that full sized bar of chocolate, turn on the TV and snuggle into the blankets.  Yes, sometimes, drastic times, call for drastic measures.

FEELING NAUSEOUS

"...40 per cent of Albertan men believe that if a woman wears provocative clothing, she's putting herself at risk for rape."


Research released in Alberta this week, see: www.acws.ca

Universal Delight...

...and the mathematical impossibility.

If you're hyper-aware of what others are thinking, if you're looking for criticism, the unhappy audience member and the guy who didn't get the joke, you will always find what you're seeking.

For it to be any other way, you'd either have to be invisible or performing for a totally homogeneous audience.

Invisible is an option, of course. You can lay low, not speak up and make no difference to anyone.

That's sort of like dividing by zero, though. You'll get no criticism, but no delight either.

As for finding a homogeneous audience, good luck with that. The one thing that's true of all people is that they are different from one another. What delights one enrages the other.

Part of the deal.

                                                                Seth Godin

Intimidation

Sometimes just being you intimidates someone.  And the way you know is that they respond angrily or with hostility.  This surprises you, it’s confusing.  Should you then not show up? Should you show up dimmed so that others won’t feel intimidated?  Here’s the thing, if you’re not bringing anger or hostility to a situation, and someone is intimidated anyway, there is nothing you can do.

Sometimes just being you intimidates someone and even though it’s confusing and hurtful, the only thing you must do is be who you are.

Pollyanna

Why is it that we can recall bad incidences as if they are percolating just under the surface?

Strong emotions that trigger anger, shame, jealousy, envy or disgust leave a lasting impression.  It seems that it takes longer for us to be able to process these feelings and let them go.  Sometimes, we harbor these awful feelings for years, and some folks tend them like turnips in a garden, living off them as sustenance.

When you catch yourself selecting a memory to muse over, choose a positive one for a change, you won’t turn into Pollyanna or end up wearing rose-colored glasses.  But you will feel a burden lift from your shoulders and the sun shine a little brighter.  I don’t know about you but that’s how I’d rather live my life.  

The choice of how you will live your day, as always, is yours.

LOVE THIS...

Gates of our dreams:


If it is written 'Push,' please don't 'Pull.'


                                           Paulo Coelho

Resilience

Children, more than anything, need to know that they matter.  If they have a sense of that, they can be resilient to almost anything. 

If you were raised as though you didn’t matter, feeling invisible or that you were a burden, then as an adult you will manifest all the pain, suffering and abuse you see in your life.  You’ll be susceptible to anything and resilient to nothing.

Wasting time

What is it that makes us waste time, makes us put off and ignore the things we ‘should’ be doing?  I know, shouldn’t use ‘should’ since you’re not trying to meet some external expectation, but still, if you know you want to accomplish something, why is it that you don’t do it?  Why is it that you don’t take the steps, even tiny baby steps to get closer to the goal?  Why is that?

But then again, is asking Why just another waste of time?  Does it really matter why?  Rather than wasting time finding an answer to that (because after you have the answer to that, what good is it to you?) why not get busy doing what you need to do?

It’s maddeningly circular isn’t it?

Conflicted

Everything we do that's important is the result of conflict. Not a conflict between us and the world--a conflict between us and ourselves.

We want to eat another dessert but we want to be healthy and skinny as well. Who is we? Who is the self in self control, and who is being controlled?

We want to stand up and make difference and we want to sit down and hide and be safe.

We want to help others and we want to keep more for ourselves.

It's not a metaphor, it's brain chemistry. We don't have one mind, we have competing interests, all duking it out.

This conflict, the conflict between I and me, is at the heart of being human. One side sells the other. Like all kinds of marketing, it's far more effective if you know your audience. You will do a better job of telling a story (to yourself) if you understand who you are marketing to. In this case, I is marketing to me (and vice versa). The marketing is going on in your head...

Successful people have discovered how to be better at self marketing.

Seth Godin
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/

Distraction

By keeping us busy finding fault with ourselves they waste our time.  By advertising solutions to fixing those problems they squander our money.  Those who have the most to gain by keeping us distracted are the ones that fight the hardest to keep the status quo – women disempowered and squabbling amongst ourselves.

What if we woke up to this fact and stopped being manipulated?  What if rather than waste our time and squander our money we focused on doing work that helped us reclaim our voice so that we can have a say in how we live our lives and how we are treated?  

What if we did this by refusing to support organizations that objectify, denigrate and mistreat women?  These organizations are easy to find, just watch TV, read a magazine or troll the web.

What will it take for women and men to stand up and say enough is enough? 

Surrender

Surrender is a key component to leaning into fear or leaning into a particular struggle.  Surrender doesn't mean giving up, rather, I interpret it as letting go.

I find that when I surrender, let go of that tightness in my body and take some time out to breathe, then I can lean into fear, or other struggle, with a clearer purpose.  The act of surrendering will also give you that needed paradigm shift that enables you to look at a situation differently thereby giving you better access to solutions.

Surrender, in this context is not giving up, far from it.

Question...

We know that fear is the primary feeling that stops many of us cold from doing what we really want to do, so I want to ask you, when was the last time you overcame fear, the last time you leaned in and pushed through that "stop you in your tracks" feeling and did something you were afraid to do?
Your story will function as the act of reaching back and pulling someone else up and through, helping someone else lean in, it is that important.

Chances are your story isn't going to be about scaling Kilenmenjaro, although it could be, but I would guess that it took overcoming much smaller obstacles, day by day, that brought you to the foot of that mountain.  It's those stories I want to hear.  It's those stories that others need to hear.

Tell me, tell us. It will make all the difference to someone.

Princess

You don't need saving!  Perhaps from yourself every now and then.  You may need a hand to take care of the kids, to manage your life, a bit of help would be great, but you don't need SAVING.

Women are much stronger than they think they are.  Psychologically and physically.

When I ask women to grab some weights in my fitness classes I am always amazed at the puny 2 lb or 5 lb weights they pick up.   When I tell them that they have lifted much, much heavier than that they shake their heads adamantly 'NO.'  

So I ask them, "Have you lifted your kids? Have you lifted grocery bags? Have you lifted the couch to vacuum under it?" And of course they nod their heads.  Well then.  

When you connect the dots you realize that lifting these weights is not about an isolated event called ‘things you do at the gym.’ Rather, lifting weights and getting strong is about your whole life that includes lifting 40 lb kids, lifting 25 lb grocery bags and lifting an 80 lb couch so you can vacuum under it.

So feel free to feel like a Princess and dress up and look in the mirror and be the fairest of them all, but PLEASE, do not be a Princess who thinks she needs saving.  It’s a myth, it’s a crock, it’s a lie that you disprove every single day.  

You are not an island...

Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.   
                                                                                                  Maya Angelou

History Repeating

What is appearing in your life over and over again?

What do you think it's trying to tell you?

Why do you think you're not listening?

Eyelashes

This is really important.  Please listen up.  Your eyelashes are FINE the way they are.  You do not need to apply a chemical to your eyelashes so that they'll grow.  PLEASE, recognize bullshit when you see it and think for yourself.  Enough already in making us feel as if every little thing about us needs to be fixed.

Change happens

Whether you're ready or not, or want it or not, change is going to happen.

So will you be productive with the change?  Will you see it as a great opportunity to steer your life in the direction you want it to go? Or, will you use this opportunity to bury your head just a little further into the sand?

The choice is yours. The responsibility is yours.

Tipping Point

Conversion is the difference between browsing and buying.  Skepticism and faith, feeling, knowing and acting upon.

The Tipping Point happens just before browsing becomes buying, skepticism becomes faith and feeling and knowing, becomes acted upon.  

It happens when your universe stands still for a fraction of a second and a radical energy courses through your subconscious.  This radical energy translates into a feeling  that tells you that having that new item, believing that different idea and/or acting upon what you know, will be better for you than what your circumstance, belief, frame of mind, is now.

It is a fleeting thing this radical energy and can be easily missed losing the opportunity for conversion, that’s why I think we keep seeing the same challenges come up for us over and over again.   

Pay attention to what comes up in your life especially with things that aren’t working. The tipping point lies in the midst of this frustration, and acting upon this frustration in a radically different way than you have before will lead you to conversion.

This is how, step by step, you find out what your highest potential is -- by making changes, by taking advantage of the tipping points and the opportunities to convert your life to the best that it can be.

Note: I’m using the term Tipping Point in a similar fashion as Malcolm Gladwell but on a much smaller scale in that I intend my sphere of influence to be small - the personal sphere of influence that may or may not spread, which is Gladwell’s point.

WHY?

Why are you here?  I mean on this planet.  Why were you born?

Don’t shrug your shoulders ‘dunno.’

Were you born just to occupy space on this planet? As small a space as possible? 

Were you born to serve someone else’s agenda?  And not make waves?

Were you born to not have an opinion, not have a need, not have a desire.

Were you born to affect no change for the better for yourself and others?

Because it took a multitude of myriad events to line up to ensure that you exist on this planet, you have an obligation, AN OBLIGATION, to live to your highest potential.

Don’t know what your highest potential is?  

Go and find out.